The takeover

[someguy]

Warning! There will be violent content, may not be suitible for anyone under 10.

Update:
I have got wordpress to work here, so I will be continuing my story there. I will be able to write a little more freely, plus it's easier.

http://someguy112.wordpress.com/

feedback can be posted there or in this thread. I'm hoping to go 30 chapters, but that's if I have time.

Update: Chapter two is up. And when you look at the story, go from the bottom up. Chapter one starts at the bottom with the newer chapters at the top.

[Justeazy]

Ummm... I cannot find chapter 1... and I don't want to start on chapter 2...

[someguy]

Should be there. I'm checking the link now.

[Justeazy]

Nevermind. They go from bottom to top, not top to bottom like I would think.

Just didn't scroll down all the way...

[someguy]

Yeah, I'll stick that in the first post.

[Justeazy]

Okay, read it. I like it good enough, but it sounds like the style is copying mine a little, lol.

It is good nonetheless! I like how the action comes quickly and strongly,

[someguy]

I decided to add the extra character, after reading yours. Hope you don't mind.
but I wrote my story first, so the action doesn't copy yours.

[Justeazy]

Hmmm... I'm not sure if you wrote it first... I've been writing mine for 4 months or so... well, now I just gotta type it all up, and finalize the parts I'm going to post (not going to post the whole story, )

But, no, I don't mind, I'm actually honored a little, )

[someguy]

Oh yay.

[someguy]

New chapter is up. Chapter 3.
Start at the bottom for chapter 1.

[LovelyUndeadVam]

"and quickly unlocked my door and got in. I started up the car and quickly" you should think about changing one to something other than quickly. it sounds bad when you have the same describing words in sentences back to back.

[someguy]

ahh thanks,
and comments on if you like it or not?

[LovelyUndeadVam]

i'm not done yet, but it's really good so far.

[someguy]

Yay, thanks. If you find anything else that should be changed, send it to my pm box.

[LovelyUndeadVam]

i've finished it now. one word to describe it:

AWESOME!