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Justeazy
09-16-2008, 01:01:08
Not another zombie book... :(

Yes, another zombie book! :)
This one is different! It follows the stories of four different characters (instead of the usual 1 (or 1 group)) has almost no major sections including the military (which has been done and overdone in just about EVERY OTHER BOOK) and,
drumroll please...

It ACTUALLY has a logical explaination of zombies, where they come from, how they work, and how they came into existance!

So, if you are ready to start a whole new, better zombie experience:
CLICK HERE! (http://www.freewebs.com/shortcircuitzombies)


WARNING: This book might not be suitable for young children! Read at your own risk! Please do not read if you do not approve of horror!



Please leave feedback of any kind. Whether it be good or bad, it all helps me!

Those who HAVE left feedback:

EscapeGirl | HeartoftheDark | someguy | funja | LovelyUndeadVam | Clank | ShiningStar | 1momomo124
Thank you for the support!

EscapeGirl
09-16-2008, 05:13:24
YAY! Gonna go read. ;)

First off...it's an interesting read! I like that you are developing the characters a bit. I really got to like Sherell's husband, Bill... It was good to pull the reader in like that. :)

Not my usual type of story to read, due to violence, but it's an entertaining story, and I'm curious where you'll go with it! :D

Anyway, I thought I'd point out a couple minor things in case you missed them. ;)

From Sherell's story, toward the end of the chapter:
1. The REMNANTS of a plate he had apparently just cleaned shattered to the side.

From William's story, 1st main paragraph:
1. He had long SINCE gotten used to the every day car back-fires of the big city.

2. (From 2nd main paragraph)He finished it quickly, as it wasn't much, and gothered his meager belongings up to follow his daily routine.

Justeazy
09-16-2008, 14:26:52
Glad you're liking it Escape!

Well, sorry I killed off the person you liked, :haha:

Thanks for the typos! I fixed them. If you notice any more, don't hesitate to correct me ;)

Heartofthedark
09-16-2008, 16:01:12
Justeazy - Are there only four short stories? :?

someguy
09-16-2008, 16:13:59
There are going to be more.
He's typing up chapters to each of the characters, making a distinct story for each.

I think it's brilliant.

Justeazy
09-17-2008, 01:09:14
Well... kinda yes and no to both of those...

There are 4 distinct, short stories, for each of the main characters. However, they will get longer (as that is not the final versions up now)
However, they all revolve around the same concept, and their stories converge into one after a little while. Some of them meet up, they can have conflict with eachother, and in one way or another, they will all influence one another by the time the book is over.


PS, thx for the "brilliant" someguy ;)



UPDATE EDIT: I got another part up! Jack Borring's first part of the story!
Also, added a little into the section of the "Zombie History" stuff.

STILL need a last name for Julia.
It needs to be something old/regal sounding, like she is full of pride... :hmm: hmm

someguy
09-17-2008, 01:10:29
I decided to link my story somewhere to.
But no feedback yet. D:

Justeazy
09-17-2008, 03:15:42
Okay, I've got the 4th part (first "Julia" chapter) done and ready for posting. I'm just waiting for a last name before I post it.
STILL need a last name for Julia
It needs to be something old/regal sounding, like she is full of pride... :hmm:hmm

As soon as I get that last name, I'll edit it in, then post it!

For those of you who have read Jack Borring's first part:
Didn't you love how I didn't let you hear all of the emergency broadcast center message??? :P;)

funja
09-17-2008, 03:18:36
that annoyed me so much:P and those are all the states around me:S:'(

ahhhhhhhhhhhh oh wait just my dog
:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S
:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S

Justeazy
09-17-2008, 04:40:44
Sorry about that funja. The "south east" was just where I decided to set this SMALL town, lol.
Don't worry, it's fiction tho (for now :haha:;):P)

EDIT: I have posted the first part of Julia's story up. I let it cut off at the first point where her last name is mentioned.
Hopefully, this will influence those who liked her part to think up a last name!

EscapeGirl
09-17-2008, 05:01:33
Little typo needing attention: ;) (Hack Borring's story - 3rd paragraph)
His one biggest regret would (SHOULD BE a "BE" or something here) he left his sister behind, and only got to talk to her once a week from then on.

First paragraph of Julia's story the word "accross" should be "across." ;)

From Julia's story, 3rd paragraph:
The exchanged nervous glances, not from the storm but rather from not making their appointed time. Should be THEY? :?

Okay, I have to say I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED the part with Jack Borring in it! Great writing! And incredibly suspenseful! His is probably my favorite story at this point because you really built up the suspense. :)

As for Julia's story, it seems you're building up suspense there, too! :D

And here's an idea for her name:
Fontaine or Murdoch

Just ideas. I'm really looking forward to more! I'm so curious what's happening! :D Good job! :appl:

Justeazy
09-17-2008, 05:05:11
Thank you for the support escape!

Yep, you are right on all of those.
(I am just typing with Wordpad. My MSWord subscription ran out, so I cannot do spelling/grammar checks anymore, :P)


Hmmm... I like that second choice... How exactly do you pronounce that first one exactly?


PS, little typo in your telling of my little typo's: You put "Hack Borring" instead of Jack, lol


EDIT: Okay, fixed those. I also noticed that:
"... project kapxapaic atoyo ..." should be "... project "kapxapaic atoyo" ..."

And I wouldn't have found it without going back for what you said

EscapeGirl
09-17-2008, 05:21:37
Ooh! Glad I could help you! :D

The first option for the last name was Fontaine. Pronounced Fon-tane. And Murdoch...pronounced Murdock. :D

Oh, and just came up with more potential last names: Hainsworth or Malmesbury

And here is a good site for last names:
http://www.last-names.net/

Of course I don't expect you to use these, but if it can help get the train of thought going, then I can read more of Julia's story! :D

AND LOL!!! :haha: That's too funny that I had a typo when pointing out a typo! :haha: Silly me. :P :haha:

Justeazy
09-17-2008, 05:31:24
Ooh, I have to ask. Do you like how I switch the perspective atseeminglyrandom points between characters better (Sherall, Jack, Julia) or where it stays all at one person (William)

Hmmm, those are both good too (I knew pronounce of the second one, just not sure on the first, but I was right, lol)

I think I know what I'm going to use, but I'll wait until tomorrow to see if any better results pop up.


PS, has anyone noticed any of the character connections yet? There have been 2!

EscapeGirl
09-17-2008, 05:54:08
I think I will have to read the stories all together in one sitting and watch for connections. I didn't notice them this time 'round. But I read two last night, and two tonight. I think when I am more awake I'll read them again and try to keep and eye on those things. :D

Another couple potential last names:
Stapleton or Stirling Just a few more that came to mind. :hmm:

Justeazy
09-17-2008, 05:57:08
:rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie: *smacks forehead* :rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie:

That first one you posted... (this time) :rofl-smilie:

I was actually considering that one... :rofl-smilie:

Then I realized I KNOW A JULIA STAPLETON!!! :rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie:
I was hoping that that one wouldn't come up, :haha:


(This was only posted after 2 complete minutes of laughing(and a smack to the forehead))

EscapeGirl
09-17-2008, 06:06:26
:rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie: :rofl-smilie:

That's toooooooo funny! :haha: I can't believe of all the names, I came up with that one. :haha: :P

Justeazy
09-18-2008, 02:43:18
Just because of that, I'll have to ask here if I can use her name in my book, it would be way awesome!!! :haha::haha::haha:

EDIT: Okay, I settled with Stapleton, and posed the rest of the chapter.
Also, added something to "Zombie History" page too!

EDIT2: Added a special thanks page! (Escapegirl, you are on it too!)

Heartofthedark
09-18-2008, 02:48:14
:rofl-smilie: I know a Kyle Stapleton :P This will be weird to read your story now :rofl-smilie:

Justeazy
09-18-2008, 02:58:37
:rofl-smilie: Well, It feels kinda wierd writing it too!
But the name fits her character too! It is all good!
I still have a few characters to name too...

PS, signed your coffin... AGAIN, lol

Justeazy
09-20-2008, 08:48:52
UPDATE:
Added part 2 to William Stephenson's story on the site.

Working on Jack Borring and Sharell Irngstien's next parts too.

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 04:06:56
woo. :D i read it. it's getting interesting now.

funja
09-21-2008, 04:08:14
i know and justeazy
i didnt find any mistakes in that one:D

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 04:15:36
Yay!!!
That is a good thing... but to be fair, my mom DID find a few, and checked them with me before you got to it, :$ :P

And, if you haven't noticed, Sharell's next part is up too!

funja
09-21-2008, 04:16:30
uuhhhh runs to read

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 04:17:11
hahaha. cheater with the misspells. :haha: my mom hasn't even read my book yet. but yeah i can't wait for the next chapter!

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 04:19:39
Just initializing Jack Borring's next section now. I am getting distracted, so it SHOULD be up within the hour! (changed the name of a few characters, for my own reasons, so have to go fix all of that TOO)

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 04:22:21
hahaha. now you know how I feel when i have to write a chapter. :P i get distracted too.

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 04:24:29
Yeah... but not totally...

You aren't all like
:happydancing: :happydancing: :happydancing: :happydancing: :happydancing: x A MILLION for the NEXT CHAPTER!!!
to me, plus, this version isn't exactly chapters either, :P

funja
09-21-2008, 04:26:13
very good except it took me a while to find chap two it doesnt stan out it is right next to the text on the same line unlike the other chatpter section

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 04:28:10
hahaha. good point. i CAN be like that.

:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:

beware of my dancing army. :P

Heartofthedark
09-21-2008, 04:30:31
"Neither would I, Mr. Harris" she stated, trying not to let the fear break through the sense of pride, now even more evident in her voice. Then, whispering to herlsef "No, I would not have that..." letting the fear show through, but still not completely, not even to herself.

Spelling mistake :P

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 04:31:20
@Undead:
OMG, OH NOES!!!

@Funja: Oops :$ you are totally right :haha:
It wasn't supposed to be like that, I'll go fix right away...

EDIT: Fixed it. Better funja?
EDIT2: You are totally right on that TYPO too! (heart)
EDIT3: Fixed that too!

funja
09-21-2008, 04:31:40
good catch heart
@justeazy yes it is
(was that sarcastic)
it is hard to tell online

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 04:33:53
@eazy-that's a lot of edits. :)

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 04:39:47
@Funja: No, not sarcasm. An actual question, because when I fixed it, I wondered if you meant how I fixed it, or to make it another title (like the dark red that says "her story" at the top of the page) just making sure, :P

@Undead: :haha: true, but I didn't need to double (or quadruple) post, and it hadn't been anyone else posting yet, :haha:

funja
09-21-2008, 04:41:46
sorry confused
it would stand out more a differnt color
but it is up to you

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 04:43:52
No. I chose to do it this way, because then I don't have to worry about the "SPONSORS" things getting in the way.
Would you like it a different color tho? I could make it so ;)

funja
09-21-2008, 04:47:10
i dont really care but i could go to the cahpters faster:P
so (yes) if it isnt too much troulbe

and do you mind if i favorite you book page thing

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 04:58:37
@Funja: Sure, you can do that, but no saving the book itself, :P

Hmmm... I'll just leave them how they are... but you can find it easily by hitting "F3" on your keyboard, and just typing the number, as I only use words (like "two") in my story, instead of numbers (like "2") that are the section headers.

funja
09-21-2008, 05:04:17
okay ill do that next time and pm me if you post a new chapter

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 08:27:59
HURRRRRYYYYYY!! :D PLEEEEEEEEEEEAASE!!!

:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:

TIMES A MILLION! haha. for all the dancing you and Heart did combined. :P

EscapeGirl
09-21-2008, 08:37:51
Julia looked at Mr. Harris, dismay platered all over her face. (Should be plastered. ;)

Now....your book has me very intrigued. I want to know what the "facility" is all about, and I have to admit, I haven't yet found the parts that tie in together. :hmm: But I assume that Sharrell has met up with Stephenson at that intersection, but I'm not sure. :hmm:

So very good. Keep up the writing, and let me know when you post more! :happydancing: :appl: :D *rushes off to read Geordiboy's story* :D

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 08:59:48
@ALL: The next section is up!!! Part 2 in Jack Borring!

@Funja: PM'd you, :P

@Undead: Lol, I did, :P Thanks for dancing for me, your welcome for doing it for you, :P (thanks for saying "PLE...ASE" lol :haha:)

@Escape: Okay, thx
Gotta go fix that... *rushes off to edit story*

Hmmm... :boo: Idk... maybe we will find out... :evil:
Glad you are intrigued, :P

Nope, just gonna tell you right now that is not right.
(Two of them reside in Stephenson's story tho, :P)

Thanks much for your support!
I'll have to PM you too!

Clank
09-21-2008, 09:11:56
Really love the story, i really like the way you have sortta developed each character and recognised them as individuals, it reminds me a bit like the tv program 'heroes'

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 09:14:59
woop i really like this story! :D i think you should have all of them travel to the west coast! :P yup. our town is o-ah-some. :)

EscapeGirl
09-21-2008, 09:16:41
@Justeazy....The whistle smiley is : boo:, without the space. ;) :haha:

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVING the story! :D And I can't believe I was wrong with the connections! :P And I must say, I am not sure that Borring and the others will ever be prepared for the things I think they will encounter! Oh, and I want to hear the rest of the warning message! :haha: :P

Well done, once again! :appl: I'm glad I am awake to read it! :D

@Lovely....Yeah! West Coast! :P :D Wait....not so sure I want all that here. :P

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 09:17:21
Umm...

Sorry, but if you have already read it, you may have to read it again... :(
Don't worry, just the end. I fixed something, and added something else.
Just after the "list" that Veronica wrote up, ;)


Ooh, Escape, you may just be suprised!
If you want to talk connections more in-depth, PM me!

THX for the support, but, just in case you are wondering, Sharell's story in in the WEST COAST! (Washington, :P)


PS: Thanks for that smiley! :) It wasn't the EXACT one I was looking for, but it works, :P

Justeazy
09-21-2008, 09:40:05
IMPORTANT:
I changed the color of the link on the first page so it stands out better!
I added a running list of those who supported me to the first post also!

Also, updated the "Zombie History" page, read all about it!
Hope you read the fixed version of Jack Borring's part 2!

EscapeGirl
09-21-2008, 10:06:29
Still a great chapter! :D And the new facts on the Zombies is an interesting summary of the things we, as the readers, have learned thus far! Nice touch! :D:D:D

Always looking forward to mooooooooooooooooooooore! :D:D:D

LovelyUndeadVam
09-21-2008, 10:13:44
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing:
dance with me. so that eazy knows that we want the next chapter ASAP! hahaha. :P

EscapeGirl
09-21-2008, 10:16:02
Will do! :P

:happydancing::happydancing: :happydancing: :happydancing:

Weeeeellll? Where's the next chapter!??! :P

Justeazy
09-22-2008, 00:34:06
IMPORTANT:
Updated the William Stephenson's latest section, another flashback near the end.
Fixed all of the typos I was told about too!

Keep your thoughts coming!

Also, if you posted and I forgot your name on the lead post, please tell me!

funja
09-22-2008, 00:39:37
ohh good flash back :P
made me feel like i was there

Justeazy
09-23-2008, 01:34:49
Haha, thanks funja! That's what I was going for!

Posted the next chapter (well, PART of it, :D;)) of Julia Stapleton!

I think you will like it, except the fact that it raises questions instead of answering them. :P
(Will post the rest later, want to see reactions for this part first, :P)

funja
09-23-2008, 01:35:54
okay goes to read

does this sentence look right:?

The white light that was this state slowly diffused into the bright hum of flourescent lights

okay seems wierd:S:S:S:S:S:S:S oh no the whitecoats got her:S:S:S:S i hope they dont trace my ip address :S:S:S:S:S ahhhhhh oh gosh stupid dog:P

Justeazy
09-23-2008, 01:44:01
Which part are you talking about? "The white light that was this state" or the "bright hum"???

funja
09-23-2008, 01:46:03
this state slowly diffused
shouldnt there be a comma or something in there:?
cause if it doesnt i need to know what that sentence means


edited my above post

Justeazy
09-23-2008, 01:48:48
Hmmm... well, it could be
"The white light, that is this state, slowly diffused into the bright hum of flourescent lights"
I could add commas like that!


WHAT DOG?

funja
09-23-2008, 01:49:41
my dog:P

Justeazy
09-23-2008, 01:51:34
Ooh, I was gonna be all like
"That is the wrong character for the dog...
and I HAVENT REVEALED ITS ROLE YET!"

But okay...
does that make it easier to understand?

funja
09-23-2008, 01:54:11
yes cause if it doesnt have commas it runs together
:P
and there is a dog:?

Justeazy
09-23-2008, 01:54:56
:boo: :D ;) *tries to look innocent* ;) :D :boo:

Okay, I'll go add the commas!

funja
09-23-2008, 01:55:53
ooooh dogs :P
and you need to send out the bulliten pm thing

Justeazy
09-28-2008, 04:24:01
I posted the last part of Julia's 2nd chapter!
I think it answers a lot of questions... but asks just as many, :P

Also, Sending out a "Bullitin PM thingy" funja, :D:P

Clank
09-28-2008, 08:57:28
OOOOOOooooooooooooHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh! Love It!!!

Justeazy
09-28-2008, 19:17:50
Added more to Stephenson's first chapter!

This was a section in my original, but I removed it because for reasons of my own, :P
I decided to re-add it, and now it is posted with the rest!\



EDIT: Cover Art!

Need a shadow like this!:
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1210/1428957587_c07bca7d7a.jpg?v=0
But the shadow needs to be of a woman holding a child (for Sharell's story cover)

If anyone can find/make one, I will be eternally grateful! (Adding you to the special thanks!)

funja
09-28-2008, 19:34:36
lol they look fat

like this one:?\
http://images.inmagine.com/168nwm/imagesource/ie320/ie320054.jpg
or this
10212

Justeazy
09-28-2008, 20:00:55
Hmmm... the SECOND one is kinda close... but the kid needs to be older (what you can tell by his shadow) because remember, he is around 7 years old (I know you've read the story) so it needs to be around that age.
Also, like that original picture I posted, like stains that might be blood would be AWESOME, ;)

Justeazy
09-29-2008, 01:32:51
UPDATE: Added Jack Borring's next chapter!!!
It has a lot of information in it.

Also, planning on updating the Zombie History section, and the latest Julia Stapleton chapter is about to be changed.
Will send out "Bullitin message thingy" when that is finished.

EDIT: Did all of that and sent the messages, :P

LovelyUndeadVam
09-29-2008, 02:15:03
woop. :P i liked it.

i saw some errors but i can't recall where they are. i forgot to get them.

Justeazy
09-29-2008, 02:25:42
Ooh, glad you liked it!

Okay, if you remember them or find them, don't hesitate to correct me, :D;)

LovelyUndeadVam
09-29-2008, 02:27:36
hahaha. okay. :) i'm busy with my own projects right now, but i'll be sure to turn on spell correct mode and read it again. ;)

ShiningStar
09-29-2008, 02:59:28
Great story! reading it as I can, but love it!

Justeazy
09-29-2008, 03:04:22
Thanks for your compliment Shining! I'll go add you to the first post too... ;)

LovelyUndeadVam
09-29-2008, 03:08:59
"As soon as they came near, they all piled themselves up against the glass of the front of the glass."

thought i would point that out. ;)

Justeazy
09-29-2008, 03:10:11
*smacks forehead*
Yep, that second one should be "Hospital" thank you!

EDIT: Fixed it!

LovelyUndeadVam
09-29-2008, 03:11:17
welcome. :D

oh, and this is the other one:
"The finally entered the next to last door in the hall."

that should be "they" right?

Justeazy
09-29-2008, 03:21:22
Yep!
Fixed that one too! Thank you again, ;)

LovelyUndeadVam
09-29-2008, 03:24:16
welcome. :D

funja
01-20-2009, 04:51:01
is the pre published version finished or will you be adding more :?

Justeazy
01-27-2009, 03:50:13
NO way, funja!
It is nowhere near finished (like 1/3-1/4 of the way finished)
I have decided I am not going to post more until I finish each section (each characters story) and only post the 'limited' endings too.

Thanks for your enthuisasm tho, and the first one (Sharell Irngstein) should be finished shortly (relatively)

funja
01-27-2009, 03:55:26
yay whoo lol i got left hanging wiht the charecters and i was liek i want to know what happens :'(
lol so yay whoooooo
:dewave::dewave::yourock:
:applause::applause::D:D:)
:):bigparty::bigparty::leb::leb::smileydance:
:smileydance::party::laughSMILE::rofl-smilie::laughSMILE:
:happydancing::happydancing::happydancing: :smilie_li: :bouncie-smilie::rofl-smilie:

1momomo124
01-27-2009, 04:11:54
just read the first chapter/person and i think it's great! going to rad the next one tommorow(need to go to sleep :( )

Justeazy
01-27-2009, 06:00:54
Thanks again funja, and thank you momo, I'll go add you to that post thingy...

Justeazy
06-06-2009, 01:13:55
UPDATE: I'm just about finished with some of it!
(now that summer has come around, I've finally gotten some free time)

If you check the site, the pages are password protected as an additional security measure. You only need to register with me to view them (for now) but it is used so I can track who uses (and abuses) my story. Registration is free, quick, and easy, and one registration works for all five password protected pages.

funja
06-06-2009, 03:35:43
whooo finaly ill sign up late :D

going through really fast revising my memory and found this under julia stapletons ......

"Mry. Stapleton," he repeated "how are you feeling?"
shouldnt that be Mrs.

Justeazy
06-06-2009, 06:00:57
Yes funja, thanks much!

I am currently going through all of the characters' stories and I hadn't gotten there yet (you posted that when I was 2 paragraphs away, :P)
Good Catch.
I am changing everything I think needs it. I will update with changes (not counting spelling/grammar/etc.) as soon as I am done.

funja
06-06-2009, 06:23:46
so when do you think the new chapters would be out:?

Justeazy
06-06-2009, 06:31:23
Soon. I've almost got Sharell's to the point of releasing more (about 7 chapters now) I'm just going to do them one at a time at this point.
...so probably by the end of next week.

funja
06-06-2009, 06:36:01
whoo yay :) pm me or something

Justeazy
06-06-2009, 06:37:12
Sure, and I'll send you a block e-mail from the official "Short Circuit" website, as I see you have already registered! :)


MAJOR UPDATES: Fixed the "secret project" It is now refered to as "kapxapaic atoyo" in both refrences.
Updated "warning" messages for right clicking on all 5 protected pages (you may want to right click on ZH and JB, hint hint)

Sharell: Added a little more background info, fixed/updated connections.
William: Put flashbacks in italics for less confusion. Re-developed his character where it didn't flow.
Jack: Fixed the truck math (:haha: Stupid mistake on my part) Changed Veronica's List
Julia: Changed her character a little, fixed quote closing chapter 2, Fixed project name.

funja
06-06-2009, 07:10:16
ill have to tommorow :( its realy late

i dont see anything different with jb :P

Justeazy
06-06-2009, 21:38:09
Okay, have a good night, and thanks again for your interest in my book!

UPDATE: Changed all font to Courier New, and removed bold. I think it looks better like that.

funja
06-07-2009, 04:10:19
thnak lol oh your very welcome its really good

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 07:50:01
Because you all have been SOOO patient, I've decided to release the next three Sharell Irngstien chapters EARLY!!!
YAY!!!

If you haven't read it in a while, you may want to start from her beginning, as there have been a few changes.
Go Check them out!



I'm PMing everyone who has posted on this thread, incase you don't read this.

ALSO: Changed Tommy's middle name, can you guess who he is named after now?

funja
06-08-2009, 07:58:06
yay goes to read imediatly :)

idk maybe your nefew

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 08:00:03
Lol, nope funja!
I'm sure you'll get it after reading it!

funja
06-08-2009, 08:03:51
She couldnt figure out why but she always felt easy around him, and she never trusted anyone.....

isnt that supposed to be uneasy :) justeazy no pun intended

They head off, Jeeves leading the way. The had little conversation all day

i think it should have been headed

and they

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 08:10:54
Yep, all correct. Thanks for the corrections!
(chapter 3?)

EDIT: Corrected all three! Thanks again.

funja
06-08-2009, 08:13:50
yes chapter three just about to start 4 good so far

Looking for they keys, they found a room with some gas cans

their i think

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 08:22:45
Actually, supposed to be "the" but good catch!
(also, because of that, I noticed "mileage" is spelled "milage" just above) ;)

funja
06-08-2009, 08:24:12
Tommy, meanwhile , decided that he would keep the model he found in the dealership model.


idk that should be office or something

And where you first say his middle name
you spelled it tomas idk if you can spell it that way but shouldnt it be thomas

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 08:28:29
lobby, thanks!
I got that, both times it said "THEY keys" instead of "THE keys" and both times I spelled mileage as "milage" just looking for that "THEY keys" you quoted.
Thanks much, you got a 5-in-1!


Nope, Tomas is right, I did it the uncommon way on purpose.
(Just like Sharell is spelled as such, instead of cheryl or sheryl)

funja
06-08-2009, 08:35:10
oh cool and wehere he make the gun

150000 volts to instantly kill any it contacted


anyone


However, as the victim of this weapon was the ground, the batter was sure to run dry

Battery

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 08:48:48
The first one wasn't a mistake, but I guess it'll be easier to understand as "anyone" so i'll change it anyway.

Yep on the second one.


Changed both!

funja
06-08-2009, 08:52:20
finished it was great cant wait for more :) i didnt find any more errors if i did it i would of had hundreds lol :P well i need to go to bed night :night:

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 08:55:55
Thanks for the compliment!
Yay for few errors! (but I'm sure Escapegirl will find some more, she always does, :P)

I'm sure you would have done fine working on your own project, but it wouldn't have been the same, as it came from you.

Okay, night, I'll PM you when more gets posted up!

EscapeGirl
06-08-2009, 18:35:33
Just registered, and will read it off and on today between work thingies. ;) Oh, and yeah, I'll let you know if I see any grammar or spelling errors... :shy: :P

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 19:02:26
Ooh!
I'll be excited to see what you think! (and what corrections you find, :P)

EscapeGirl
06-08-2009, 19:45:26
Oh, I'm such a pain. :$

5th paragraph of Sherell's story: The spelling of "surprise" was "suprise." *hides*

Justeazy
06-08-2009, 23:50:56
Actually, that is the SIXTH paragraph...
BUT, because of that, I found a typo IN the fifth paragraph!

Thx Much!