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Thread: I need a good story title!!

  1. #11
    O for Awesome! Chocbubbles's Avatar
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    thanxs i edited it

  2. #12
    Too Powerful!!! Justeazy's Avatar
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    It is good!

    Many details... makes me wonder what the "detective" said,
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  3. #13
    O for Awesome! Chocbubbles's Avatar
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    here's the first chunk of the 2nd chapter still writing the rest of it

    2

    Dressed in her best clothes and in sensible shoes, Misty stepped stifly out of her bedroom and into the softly lit hallway. She stopped to stare at a mark on the wall, thinking deeply about the situation she was in. A soft object was pressed into her hand and she lost her train of thought. Looking down she realised her dad had placed a muffin there, Misty stared at it until she heard her dad clearing his throat and red-cheeked, heart racing made her way to the car. Opening the car door she realised her mum would need to know what was happening or she'd wake up and get worried when no one was around. Dashing back inside Misty wrote a quick note explaining, as best she could, what was happening. All she wanted to do was go back to sleep and lie in the warm comfortable bed waiting for her inside. Instead she made her way back to the car. Once inside she placed the muffin on the dashboard, curled up on the seat and rested her head on the door, her breath bringing up little puffs of fog on the window.
    .................................................. .......................
    Snake-like the dark coloured Honda Civic twined around the bend of Rainey Ave, smoothly gliding past the bus shelter and up the narrow street. It arrived at number 9 and paused there. A man adorned in a blue suede suit, sunglasses tucked into the breast pocket, opened the drivers' seat door, elegantly extended his right leg out of the car and placed it on the footpath below. A Chinese man of fairly light build stepped out of the passenger seat holding a high-tech cellphone in his right hand talking tight-lipped into it in his native tongue.




  4. #14
    O for Awesome! Chocbubbles's Avatar
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    Default Chapter 2 Part 2

    2nd part chapter 2

    The man in the blue suit snapped his fingers making the Chinese man look up at him then walk up and past him to ascend the concrete steps leading up to the house, the other man following closely behind.
    Upon reaching it the blue suit man pulled out a 8", sharp edged knife from a loop in his belt. The door which he faced was a simple wooden structure painted the deepest midnight blue.
    With the knife held firmly in his burly, leathery hands he jammed the knife blade into the minute slit between the door lock and the door frame. Jiggling and rattling, the knife sought to break the lock, finally it gave way granting the men passage into the house.
    The Chinese man finished with his conversation, sneered eagerly at his partner and stepped forward to shove the door open, revealing the room behind it.
    Insipid walls covered the in dirty patches of mould and what appeared to be spaghetti sauce, dirty floors, rugged and worn from years of neglect and treading feet, the chairs and tables in the dinning room spotted with holes and rust on the metal parts, all these added to the gloomy atmosphere of the abandoned house.
    To many people the house was old and worthless, it had no great value to them and various families had complained to the council about demolishing it, or at least renovating it, making it appealing enough to sell. However the council just didn't seem interested, simply ignoring their requests.
    The two men were the few people who actually knew exactly what its real value was. Value in this case did not point towards money or riches directly but a handful of hidden items within this place were of some value and could help them unearth something more valuable and personal for both men. Surveying the room they each chose a door that lead to a different part if the place. The Chinese man stepping through a faded and peeling, light blue door that lead to the kitchen and pantry, the other man stepping through a rusted metal coloured door that opened onto a flight of stairs leading up to a dingy, poorly lit hallway and off into the darkness above.

    END OF CHAPTER TWO



  5. #15
    Veteran Alias's Avatar
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    Hmmm, how about:

    A call from fate

    It takes three

    (more to come)


    I'm not in the business of faking to please vain opposers


    "It's better to be hated for what you are...then loved for what you're not" -Kurt Cobain

    "Life is measured not by the number of breaths we take,but by the moments that take our breath away".

    "Dream as if you'll live forever..and live as if you'll die today". -James Dean

  6. #16
    O for Awesome! Chocbubbles's Avatar
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    Default 1st part chapter 3

    3

    “It’s come to my attention,” detective Sam Murchison stated, “you’re not much of a morning person.” He flashed his teeth at the teenage girl sitting in the metal chair in front of him. Misty stared poker-faced right back at him, unblinking with her arms crossed over her chest. ‘Who does this guy think he is? Misty thought. “What am I doing here?,” she said in an even tone, “I’ve been here for nearly half an hour, yet you haven’t told me anything important, or anything to do with ‘the urgent matter’ you talked about on the phone.”
    “Yes, yes, yes. I know you have questions, but I can’t answer them now, I have more important things to attend to.”
    “And what exactly are these ‘things’?” Mike Gromwell questioned. He had been silent since the car ride to the station, until this moment.
    The detective stared at the man for half a second, hands on hips, considering his request before deciding against for his daughter’s sake. Instead he said, “Look, all I can tell you is that you need to look after your daughter. Just keep her safe and keep in contact with us at all times.”
    Misty was about to explode with fear. She was starting to shake but didn’t want her dad to worry, so kept quiet.
    “That’s honestly all I can tell you for now,” the detective continued to say, “please, it’s for everyone’s safety.”
    “So you really expect me to accept that and stop worrying? Hah anyway I thought we were here so you could explain, properly, what was happening. All you would say on the phone was-“
    He stopped himself, remembering the presence of his daughter in the room.
    “All he would say was, what Dad? Misty probed.
    “Uh...all he would say was how urgent and important it was to have this meeting...umm and that we had to meet him straight away.”
    “Oh come on,” Misty exclaimed, “do you really expect me to believe you can be persuaded to get up at 3:30am that easily? He said something that made you hesitate and listen and listen to him, and that certainly wasn’t it!"
    Last edited by Chocbubbles; 10-13-2008 at 06:49:04.

  7. #17
    Too Powerful!!! Justeazy's Avatar
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    Is that ALL of chapter 3???

    Awww... I thought(hoped) it'd be longer!!!
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  8. #18
    O for Awesome! Chocbubbles's Avatar
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    no it's not it says in the title 1st part chapter 3
    i'm still writing the rest

  9. #19
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    Bright, searing light struck man in the blue suit square in the eyes, blinding him for a second. When the angry red colour cleared from his eyes he stared at the room in front of him and began to search the many drawers that cluttered the small, dingy kitchen.
    Coming across one particular drawer, the man halted, pondering for a minute. This particular drawer was brown in colour and made of what first appeared to be flimsy wood. But on closer inspection the man found it was some sort of Pyrex glass, impenetrable from a knife or club. Frustrated he moved along to the next drawer, this one looking more promising. Painted a dull grey with a strange white stripe running from the middle of the handle down to the bottom left corner of the drawer, it seemed there was no hidden bolts or locks. Breathing heavily he pulled jerkily on the handle driving the drawer towards his torso. It stuck a bit halfway through but tugging it different angles seemed to work and it slid out easily after that. Crumpled papers and old mouse droppings were the sole inhabitants of the drawer, along with a couple of mice that leapt out, scared, when the drawer had first opened.

    __________________________________________________

    more to come!!!
    Last edited by Chocbubbles; 10-29-2008 at 05:46:30.

  10. #20
    Too Powerful!!! Justeazy's Avatar
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    Ooohhhh...
    I am wondering where they are...
    It isn't misty's house, is it???


    Also, that first part (of the second part) "Blinding light struck man in the blue suit square in the eyes, blinding him for a second."

    Blinding... blinding.... It sounds kinda repetitive.
    but GOOD STORY
    READ
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    Post anything and everything about Short Circuit HERE!

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