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  • #31
    Yay! Thanks EscapeGirl - nice feedback gives me the warm fuzzies, and, no matter what you might think, actually does inspire you to write more. I'm working on the first chapter as I..type? Anyway, just a warning for you, it's a little dark/angsty in places, but Aikala does have a very strange sense of humor O.o I'll post more soon!

    ....xTIQ

    Ask me about breeding coathangers for fun and profit.

    Currently causing chaos in room 412 of the Gamershood Hotel

    My Castle - Feel free to join up!

    Comment


    • #32
      As long as it follows forum rules, I don't mind dark/angst. And dark humor. Looking forward to it!!!

      Comment


      • #33
        Mmkay, here's the first chapter. It's a little dark, with some slightly disturbing content, but doesn't go into graphic detail.

        Added by Moderation: The content of this story might not be suitable for younger/sensitive members.

        Chapter One

        ‘Could Karolyn Aller please come up to the front desk. Karolyn Aller to the front desk please.’
        I sighed and swam to the side of the pool. Why does my mum always choose the most annoying times to call on me? How did I know it was my mother? Because it’s always her. I climbed out, pulling my goggles off. I could feel the people in the pool staring at me. Yeah, stare at the freak, I thought, get a good eyeful of the girl with the scars. I hated my step-brother so much. I had loved him until last summer, though. He was the reason I had jagged, circular scars running all the way down my back. He was the reason I now couldn’t trust anyone. Would you be able to learn to trust again after the one person you loved and trusted most in the world suddenly went completely physco on you and tore up your back with a can-opener?
        Anyway, I hurried into the changing rooms, choosing to forego the shower for now, as my mum has very little patience. I quickly dried myself off and changed back into my jeans and sweatshirt. Shoving my wet things into my bag, I dashed out of the pool section of the leisure centre and up to the front desk.
        When I got there my mum was leaning against a wall looking very chic in slim dark jeans and sunglasses.
        ‘What do you need, mum?’ I asked, pushing a strand of wet hair out of my eyes.
        ‘Darling, Evan called. He’s getting some time off this weekend and he wants to see you,’ she told me, her voice soft and lilting. I ground my teeth and clenched my fists. How dare she! How dare she even consider letting Evan anywhere near me after what he did! Evan is my step-brother, although I refuse to acknowledge him as that.
        ‘Mum, I don’t think it’d be good for me to….meet up…with Evan.’ She gave a puzzled smile. The cow, I thought, trying to keep my rage from showing.
        ‘But darling, you and Evan have always been the best of friends. I know you had a little…incident last summer, but surely you’ve gotten over that by now.’ I couldn’t help it. She was there when he took the can opener and rushed me. She was there when he ripped off my shirt and started opening my back.
        ‘Have you forgotten what he did to me so soon, you cow!’ I yelled, attracting unwanted attention from the people in the lobby. ‘Have you blocked from your memory the fact that he opened up my back like a can of soup? Have you forgotten these,’ I turned and lifted the back of my shirt, revealing the many puckered scars; almost complete circles of red tissue that interlinked like a chain all the way up my back.
        She was unruffled.
        ‘Darling, please. Not in public. Now, come on. You’re meeting Evan this weekend, like it or not. And we’re going to a show in the afternoon, so you need some new clothes,’ she eyed my faded jeans and baggy sweatshirt with distaste, ‘So I’d appreciate it if you co-operated with me just this once.’ I glared daggers at her, but I could only see my own grey-green eyes reflecting them back at me from her glasses.
        ‘Fine,’ I grunted, ‘but don’t expect me to act all gushy and nice around him.’ She smiled, showing teeth that had taken years of braces and expensive whitening to perfect. How I hated my mother.


        It's a little short, I know, but I prefer writing lots of short chapters to writing a few long ones.
        ....xTIQ
        Last edited by EscapeGirl; 04-19-2008, 11:32:23. Reason: Added warning.

        Ask me about breeding coathangers for fun and profit.

        Currently causing chaos in room 412 of the Gamershood Hotel

        My Castle - Feel free to join up!

        Comment


        • #34
          WOW! Great writing!!! And poor Karolyn!! And here I always thought MY brothers were mean. Not compared to hers!!!

          Looking forward to more of the story.

          Comment


          • #35
            Heres a whole story, made in a few months , 2 years ago...
            When i read through it I hate it!! lol..

            It was an afternoon in June, and Chan was sleepily reading.
            It was the last day of half term, forty eight more days till summer hols....
            Chan wished she had a friend who lived closer to her.
            All her friends lived quite far, she had to take a bus to see most of them.
            There was only one girl she REALLY liked.
            Her name was Laetitia but she recently moved to Dallas.
            They emailed each other but it just wasn't the same...

            Chan really wanted another friend, one she could trust, and visit, laugh and cry with...
            Someone she could rely on, just like Laeti had been...

            She dropped her book and went over to her window.
            "Nothing ever happens here..."she thought, a little sadly.

            But just then, a removal van parked itself in her street.

            A girl about her age came out, and two boys.
            The boys were pushing and shoving each other as play.
            Th girl was just following her parents up the street.

            They stopped at number 28.
            Chan lived at number 22.

            She was quite interested, as the girl looked about the same age as her.

            She decided she would visit her as soon as she could.

            Chapter 2

            The next day, straight after Lunch, Chan ran over to number 28.
            As she rang the doorbell, she suddenly felt nervous.
            The door opened. It was the girl.
            "Hello?" she asked.
            "Um...hi, I'm Chan Keelia and...I saw you moving in so...I thought I'd pop over..."
            "Uh...thanks...I was so sad to leave my friends behind..."
            She looked hopefully at Chan.
            "Well...that's great cos I need a friend too!!!" answered Chan
            "Wow !Thanks! I was so scared to go to school tomorrow, you could come with me!
            Oh, by the way, my name is Kimaya.
            Er... shall I call you Chan or Keelia?"
            "Well...my friends usually call me Keelia but my best friend calls me Chan, she's in Dallas now."
            "I think Chan suits you better, it goes with your long, black hair!"

            Chapter 3

            Kimaya and Chan talked for about ten more minutes, but then Kimaya had to go and help her mum finish tidying.

            As Chan got home, her mum immediately noticed how happy she looked, compared to the past few weeks.
            "Something smells good!!" said Chan.
            "I'm happy to see you so good humoured!" said her mum, smiling.
            "I've got a new friend" she answered.
            She sat in the kitchen as her mum baked brownies.

            "Mum?" she asked.
            -"hmmm...?
            -How would you feel if...like...you just moved, and a girl comes to talk to you?
            -Well...happy? Yeah, happy probably.
            -Okay..."

            Chan ran up to her bedroom and started to write in her diary.
            It only had one sentence:
            'I feel so much better'

            Chapter 4

            Holidays were over.
            Chan regretfully left her bed, still half asleep.
            As she snapped back from dream to reality, she remembered she had promised Kimaya to pick her up at 8:30am.
            She checked her watch.
            "How can it be 8am already?" she wondered, amazed.
            Though she HAD gone to bed a bit late...
            She hurriedly got dressed, ate breakfast, did hair etc....

            It was now 8:25.
            Time to leave!!!

            "See ya mum!" she cried out, banging the door as she left the house.
            "Your keys!!!" her mum asked. Too late Chan had left in such a hurry!!
            DING DONG!
            This time, it was one of Kimaya's brother who opened the door.
            "Yes?"
            A voice rang out from inside the house.
            "It's for me, Taj! I'm coming Chan!"
            She rushed out of the house, shouting goodbye to her family.
            "I'm finally going to see what my new school looks like!"
            she said, out of breath.

            Chapter 5

            Whispers in the playground.
            "Who's she?"
            -"Look at that girl!
            -Some long hair, man.
            -Look at her!!
            -Look, Chris, a girlfriend for you!!
            -Aww, shullup, I don't even know her!!"

            Kimaya was glad she wasn't alone.
            She was very nervous, she still didn't know what form she would be in.
            "Hey, Chan, what form are you in?" she asked.
            "I'm in 8RL, my form tutor is Ms R." she made a face.
            "and I hate her sooo much!"

            They walked into the building.
            As they approached the head of year 8's office, a voice boomed out.
            "Hiya, are you NEW?!"
            It was Frank, the school bully.

            Chapter 6

            The bully was standing there, staring at Kimaya with big brown eyes, overlapped by dark eyebrows, narrowed down to show his meanness.
            Kimaya stared right back at him.
            "Get lost" she said, quietly but loud enough to be heard.
            Franck turned red.

            "I'll...I'll get you back for this!!" he shouted, and ran to his gang of morons.
            Kimaya looked quite amazed.
            "I...I made him GO!!" she stammered.
            Then she burst out laughing.

            "Did you see his FACE!!???" she asked.
            "yeah, he looked like he had seen an alien!! He was lost for words!!!" answered Chan.

            They made their way to the library.

            Franck was there.

            "Hello boffin!" he said.
            "Oi, Chan, how can you make friends with dirt!!??"

            They walked on, and as they went past Franck, Kimaya stuck out her foot and....BOMP!!!

            The bully was on the floor, looking as silly as a sausage and very ashamed!!!

            Chapter 7

            Franck looked at Chan.
            He looked at Kimaya.
            He slowly got up, blushing fiercely.
            And then...he ran away!!

            Everyone around cheered.
            His friends quickly walked off, ashamed too.
            Everyone carried Kimaya and Chan around the building, cheering.
            They saw Franck and barged straight into him.
            There was about 20 people!!
            Frank fell over and started howling, tears dripping down his fat face.
            He got up, and, looking one last time at the group, he fled to another part of the playground.
            They all started laughing and couldn't stop.
            A teacher came by.
            "Why are you making so much noise, and why are you carrying-"she looked at Chan and Kimaya.
            "-those two girls?"
            They quickly put down the two girls and the boys went to play football.
            The girls split up into friend groups and went off.
            Chan and Kimaya stayed.
            "Well...I guess he'll be leaving us now!" said Chan.
            "I hope so..."was Kimaya's answer.
            INdEpenDaNte coMmE uN CHaT

            love cats

            But what really is an Artist?

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            • #36
              Chapter 8

              School was over.
              Kimaya and Chan walked home, and when they arrived near Chan's house, they kept on talking about school and stuff.
              "So what was your other schools name?" asked Chan
              "I used to go to Greys Primary, and then to Field Secondary" answered Kimaya
              They left each other and went home.
              Chan made herself a peanut butter sandwich and Milk and watched T.V for a while.
              She was glad to have a friend near her house, now she could see her easily...
              Later on Chan went to Kimaya's house to do some homework.
              After they talked a bit and went to the park.
              "Do you sometimes want to be back in your old house?" asked Chan
              "....hmmm...yeah, sometimes...it depends.." said Kimaya
              They went home, both full of thoughts.

              Chapter 9

              There was only two days left until the summer holidays.
              Chan was not in school, it was too hot so she had stayed at home.
              Being the last week, school was optional.
              Some people were already on holiday.

              Kimaya was leaving in three days.
              She was spending her holidays in France.
              Chan was bored.
              She had been on the computer all day and wanted to play out, but not alone.
              She sighed.

              She knew outside would be hot but inside was...boring.
              Oh well....might as well get a bit of sunshine...
              She went to ask her mum, leaving the computer.

              Chapter 10

              "Mum???Muuuuum!!"
              "I'm here, for goodness sake stop shouting Chan!!!"
              "Mum, can I go outside? I’m bored..."
              "Ok...ok, go and let me finish this cake."
              "You never told me you was baking a cake!! Is it for tea? Dessert?"
              "No, it's for your dad's friends tomorrow, he’s taking it to a meeting."
              "Hm.......not fair...ok see ya, I'll go park yeah?"
              "Ok, ok."

              Chan left.
              As she stepped out the door she got hit by the wave of heat.
              "Oh well, she thought, might as well just go."
              She bought a coke and headed to the park
              *****
              Meanwhile, at Kimaya's...
              "Mum?! MUM!!!?" Kimaya asked
              "Yes?" answered mum
              "Can I go to the park?
              "Ok, be home before six o’clock"

              Kimaya left home too.
              She bought a pepsi, and headed to the park.
              There, she met Chan, who was sitting on the grass, drinking her coke.
              "Hi Chan"
              "Huh? Oh, hi!"
              They talked for a while, and went for a walk.
              "I’m so HOT!" said Kimaya
              "Yeah, wanna go swimming?"
              -I would...but..
              -You need ...permission?
              -Yeah....
              -Phone home?
              -Okay...

              ( Bip bip bip bip...)
              "Mum?
              Can I go swimming with Chan?
              Er...yeah..
              Huh?
              Ok
              Yeah, mum
              Ok, see ya"

              "So..?" asked Chan
              "I can, but I have to use MY money..."
              "At least you can go!"
              "Yup"

              So...they went!!
              Aaaaand, they had a fun time...until...

              Chapter 11

              A scream rang out in the swimming pool.
              All heads turned and....
              They saw a girl going under, under, under water....in the 6 metre bit!!!
              The attendant dived into the pool, swam strongly under and came up with...nothing.
              "what happened, what happened!!!???" people cried out.
              "where's my DAUGHTER!?" shouted a lady

              The man looked very pale and embarrased.
              She...she...got kidnapped!" he said
              "WHAT!!!" shouted the lady
              "HOW?!" she asked
              People started running to the exit, trying to find the girl.
              The lady looked at the attendant, and...fainted with shock

              "Quick!!!" shouted the attendant.
              "get HEEELP" he yelled

              People ran to get other people, it all resulted in a big tumble and more people got hurt.
              Finally, the ambulance and the police arrived.

              "So just what happened exactly?" asked officer Prune

              Chapter 12

              Officer Prune looked severely at the attendant.
              "um...well, you see....um....this girl....uum....she um....she...she got ...um...kid....kidnapped...um.....yeah..."
              "And did you do anything, didn't you go after the kidnapper???!! barked the officer
              The attendant blushed, visibly feeling very awkward.
              "I....I dived to find...her...but...but...um...she...she was...was...um...gone...um...yeah..."
              Officer Prune sighed exasperated.
              "Take him to the police station!" he said sharply.
              "wh-why!!?" asked the bewildered attendant.
              Prune ignored him completely.

              Chan looked at Kimaya.
              "well....I wonder what's going to happen to the girl..." she said.
              "hmmm...yeah..." answered Kimaya

              They went home, feeling quite...peculiar
              "what's the matter?" asked Chan's mum when she saw her.
              Chan told her what had happened, and her mum was shocked.
              "well!! I don't think you should go swimming there anymore!!" she said.

              Chapter 13

              Chan was lying on her bed, thinking.
              She was thinking about what had happened only 2 hours ago, the kidnapping.
              The girl was only 11, as her mum had said on T.V.
              Chan and Kimaya were on the news, too.
              They were in the background, and then they had been interviewed.
              Her, Kimaya, her mum, her dad and ...her cat (lol) had all watched the news, to see Chan and Kimaya.

              DING DOOOOONG!!!

              "I'll get it!" shouted Chan, rushing to the door.
              It was the postman.
              "I've got a package for you" he said
              "me, or my parents?" asked Chan
              "well...it says Chan on top!!" he answered, grinning.
              "oh..thanks"

              She went to her room, and started undoing the paper.
              A box appeared.
              She opened it.
              Inside was a small collection of cat figures, ready to paint, and special paint.
              A note read:


              <<"Dear Chan,

              I hope you are well and not too lonely,
              I have sent you this, I know you love cats, and painting.
              There are more to collect, I will send them as soon as possible
              Much love,

              Kamika">>

              Kamika was Chan's eldest cousin.
              She was 25 and had a 3 year old girl called Kalisha and a 1 year old boy named Miskel.
              She had unusual names but Chan thought they were lovely.
              Chan put the box in her special drawer and went downstairs.

              Chapter 14

              Later on Chan went to Kimaya's house, they talked about the girl again.
              "I guess....it could have happened to anyone really..." said Kimaya.
              Chan nodded.
              A few hours later, back at home, Chan decided to write to Kamika, saying all that had happened so far.
              ************
              The holidays were over.
              Lots had happened.
              Chan's mum was 7 months pregnant, and Kimaya had a new pet dog.
              Chan was going to get a kitten and Kimaya's brothers had a new hamster.

              And...Chan and Kimaya were starting year nine...
              So, since the beginning of this story, Chan had learnt lots of stuff.
              You can always find a friend somewhere.
              You have to be ready to be a good friend.
              And your friends will always be there in your heart, no matter what.

              The End
              ******

              (sorry about double post but couldnt fit whole story)
              INdEpenDaNte coMmE uN CHaT

              love cats

              But what really is an Artist?

              Comment


              • #37
                the magic dimond

                The magic diamond (part 1)

                “I cant iv got drama practice after school” jasper yells into the phone. “Oh well ok then I better go get ready for school bye” Corina yells back. Jasper looks at the clock and dashed for the door “bye” jasper shouts behind her. On the way to school she thinks to her self “hhmm Thursday today Iv got drama to look forward to and library before lunch and…” her thoughts where desecrated bye a bright light over the other side of the rode she was goanna be late but cursory got the best of her she went over straight away she was walking on an ally way so there weren’t many cars. She bent over next to the graffiti covered wall and picked up a special looking diamond it was black with a bright green glow she only had it in her hands for a second then she felt her self falling into some sort of a pit and then hit the ground with a huge thump “ouch” she cried before noticing where she was. She had sand under her toes and there waves crashing just around the corner, every house was a unique batch.

                its a bit rusty but im 10
                .Love.Explore.Laugh.Smile.Shop.Live.Rock.Flirt.Discorve.Accelerate.Express.Challange

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