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Thread: Funny Quotes

  1. #11
    Veteran Heartofthedark's Avatar
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    the bolded ones i like but the normal ones arent that funny to me...

  2. #12

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    Peter Kay is one of the funniest comedians in England... the following always cracks me up... mainly because they are so true!!

    Peter Kay's Universal Truths

    • Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

    • At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

    • One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

    • You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

    • Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator

    • Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

    • Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

    • You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

    • Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

    • You never know where to look when eating a banana.

    • Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

    • Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

    • Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

    • You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

    • Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

    • The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

    • The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

    • Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

    • Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

    • Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

    • Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

    • Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

    • You never ever run out of salt.

    • Old ladies can eat more than you think.

    • You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

    • There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

    • No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

    • Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

    • The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

    • People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

    • You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

    • Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

    • Bricks are horrible to carry.

    • In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

    • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


    The unspecifically shaped member of the Looney Bin

  3. #13
    Ham Ham HANFGARN's Avatar
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    EDDIE IZZARD QUOTES

    "When I was a kid in school, the career advisor came to see us and said, "Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say?"

    "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. I did an original sin. I poked a badger with a spoon."

    "I like my women like I like my coffee - In a cup"

    "If women fall over wearing heels, that's embarrassing; but if a bloke falls over wearing heels, then you have to kill yourself!"

    "You killed a hundred thousand people? You must get up very early in the morning! I can't even get down the gym."

    "Beekeepers, yes… They've gotta want to be – "I want to be a beekeeper! I wanna keep bees! Don't wanna let them get away""

    "Danger" could be my middle name … but it's "John".
    My daddy was a dollar

    Not worth a hundred cents

  4. #14
    Veteran Heartofthedark's Avatar
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    nice quotes

  5. #15
    Jaws νΛνΛν Joystick's Avatar
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    Awesome! xD i saw this in my astronamers magazine:
    Man blows his leg off, sues himself! ***! can you imagine court!
    Pac-Man
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  6. #16
    Jaws νΛνΛν Joystick's Avatar
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    *astronaut* not man :E

    oh okay =D
    Last edited by Joystick; 01-16-2008 at 18:16:45.
    Pac-Man
    Pwnz You!
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  7. #17

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    "Every morning is the dawn of a new error"

    STILL struddling



    PURPLE HELL is back and burning!! See you there!

  8. #18
    Point & Clicker point click man's Avatar
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    funny qoutes
    If you want to rebel against your parents, outlive them, outearn them, and know more than they do. -Henry Rollins

    If anybody has the ole Xbox Live, be sure to add me: ArchaicBread

  9. #19
    Veteran Heartofthedark's Avatar
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    Joystick use the edit button instead of double posting

  10. #20
    Junior User SunFlower's Avatar
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    Noo... I had found several, but the site logged me out and now they're gone! I'll just jot down the one's I can remember. I found these funny, but hey, it's late here.... Btw, those news headlines are funny!
    ----------------------
    "How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
    - Anonymous Manufacturer

    "My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone."

    "Buckle up... it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car."

    "A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give people a sense of security. Oh yeah, what makes you feel more secure than sitting on shotgun? Now how does this work? What's the first thing a thief steals? Your wallet, oh, now he's got your gun too!"
    -- Jay Leno

    "The only way to make your PC go faster is to throw it out a window."
    -- Robert Paul
    "Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car!"

    Why is it that when someone tells you that there are billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you that there’s wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it?

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